For many years now, one of the highlights of retiring from the Department has been waiting to see what N. Barry Greenhouse was going to say about you. Here's a sampling — watch for more:

ANNE's FANS
(to Anne Kelly on 2-7-13)

SHE WAS OUR GAL FOR NUMBERS, OUR OWN GO-TO MAN.
A CHIEF FOR SEVERAL DECADES, SHE COVERED QUITE A SPAN.
KNEW WHAT SHE WAS DOING, SHE ALWAYS HAD A PLAN.
DIDN’T ASK, COULD IT BE DONE? HER MOTTO: YES IT CAN.

DID HER JOB EFFICIENTLY; NEVER WALKED BUT RAN.
COULD ANALYZE A PROBLEM WITH NO MORE THAN A SCAN.
SHE ALSO BUILT A FAMILY, MADE TIME TO RAISE A CLAN.
AND YET SHE NEVER SEEMED TO AGE, A REAL LIFE PETER PAN.

DID SHE TAKE VACATIONS? EVER SEE HER WITH A TAN?
DID SHE EVER COOK AT HOME? COULD SHE MAKE COQ AU VIN?
WE DO KNOW THAT SHE RAN THINGS WITH EFFORTLESS ELAN,
AND NEVER NEEDED ANY DRUGS, NOT EVEN PERCODAN.

HER CAREER COMPLETE, NEATLY WRAPPED UP IN SARAN,
AND WE ARE HERE TO CELEBRATE, EACH ONE OF US HER FAN.
SHE KNOWS SHE’S IRREPLACEABLE, ALL EFFORTS WE SHOULD BAN.
FOR THERE IS ONLY ONE OF HER, AND THAT ONE’S NAME
IS ANNE.

BENITA
(to Benita Hirsch on 2-29-12)

THERE COMES A TIME YOU FIRST GET TO MEET HER.
YOU’VE BEEN INTRODUCED AND YOU FINALLY GREET HER.
SHE’S NOT EASY TO GET, IT IS HARD TO READ HER.
SHE HAS HER OWN WAYS, HER OWN KIND OF METER.

AS ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS, SHE COULDN’T BE SWEETER.
AND THEN YOU MAY FIND THAT YOU ACTUALLY NEED HER.
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU HAVE REASON TO TWEET HER.
NOW IT’S TOO LATE, YOU CAN NEVER DELETE HER.

SHE IS A GOURMAND, A REAL FANCY EATER.
YOU MIGHT WIN HER OVER BY TRYING TO FEED HER.
AN ANIMAL LOVER, SUPPORTER OF PETA.
SHE ONCE FED HER DOG CAVIER ON PITA.

FOR HIGHEST WORK ETHIC, YOU HARDLY CAN BEAT HER.
SHE’S LED MANY PROJECTS, SHE IS QUITE THE LEADER.
BUT NOW THAT RETIREMENT HAS FINALLY FREED HER.
WHAT IS IN STORE FOR A RETIRING BENITA?

ALONG WITH VIRGINIA, WHO SHE NEEDS TO COMPLETE HER,
SHE WILL SURELY START LIVING HER OWN DOLCE VITA.

A GIRL NAMED SUE
(to Susheila Elahie on 4-26-11)

LIFE CAN BE DIFFERENT FOR A GIRL NAMED SUE,
SHE'S NOT ME, AND SHE'S NOT YOU.

LOYAL TO FAMILY, TRIED AND TRUE.
RAISING THREE KIDS; FIVE GRANDKIDS TOO.

ADD A CAREER IN ONE PLACE TO PURSUE,
MOSTLY ONE BUREAU, WORKED WELL WITH A CREW.

PERFORMED IN A TEAM, PROVIDING SOME GLUE.
BUT WAS THERE REGRET, SOMETHING TO RUE?

LET'S TAKE A MINUTE AND START TO REVIEW.
THREE DECADES PLUS AT JOBS WHERE SHE GREW.

SURVIVED ALL THE CHANGES, THE POLITICAL ZOO.
TEN SUPERINTENDENTS, HELPED EACH AS THEY FLEW.

A FEW EVEN HERE TO BID HER ADIEU,
AS ARE MANY OTHERS TO PAY HER HER DUE.

SHE DID A GREAT JOB, WE'RE HERE FOR GUESS WHO?
TO ADMIRE THE PICTURE SHE FINISHED AND DREW.

TO ANSWER OUR QUESTION, YOU DON'T NEED A CLUE.
SHE DID THE RIGHT THING, WAS IN THE RIGHT PEW.

NOW WHAT OF HER FUTURE, WHAT'S IN HER VIEW?
TRAVELS WITH DANNY TO FAR PLACES NEW?

CORFU, PERU, KALZMAZOO, TIMBUKTU?
A TOAST TO SUSHEILIA, LET'S RAISE UP A BREW.

SHE WILL BE SORELY MISSED, THINK THE WOMAN IN THE SHOE,
FOR WITHOUT HER HERE, THEY'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO.

DEADLINE HEADLINE: JIM CLYNE RESIGNS
(to Deputy Superintendent James Clyne, 1995)

DEPUTY SUPERINTENDENT FOR TEN PLUS NINE
CHIEF OF HEALTH & LIFE POLICY, WHERE HE DID SHINE
EXPERTISE FOR WHICH, WE'LL SOON PINE
IÍM TALKING ABOUT OUR MAN JIM CLYNE

BEFORE HE SAILS, UPON THE OCEAN BRINE
AND TAKES THE TIME, TO RECLINE SUPINE
BEFORE GOLF BECOMES HIS VALENTINE
AND HE GOES OFF, TO WINE AND DINE.

LET'S STOP RIGHT HERE AND RAISE A STEIN,
TO LET HIM KNOW WE THINK HE'S FINE
SOMEONE WHOSE CHARACTER TRAITS DEFINE
A PERSON WHO IS GENUINE.

FOR THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS OUR LIVES INTERTWINED.
ON HEALTH HE WAS THE DEPARTMENT'S SPINE
WITH A MEMORY FOR FACTS THAT WAS ELEPHANTINE
AND A BODY OF WORK THAT DESERVES A SHRINE.

HIS HEALTH REFORMS, A MODEL LIFELINE
WHOSE SUCCESS IS CLEAR, AND SHOULD INCLINE
A NATION WHOSE HEALHCARE IS ASININE
TO COMMUNITY RATE AND GET ONLINE.

TO CRITICIZE NOW, TO MALIGN OR WHINE
IS NOT MY PLACE, I AM NOT ASSIGNED.
THERE WAS A NEED TO REALIGN
BUT LOSING JIM, IS ONE WRONG SIGN

WITH CHRIS, JIM, BETH AND LYNN COMBINED
AND SIX GRANDCHILDREN FROM THE VINE
HIS LIFE IS FULL, IT'S WELL DESIGNED
A LUCKY GUY, ONE MIGHT OPINE.

THERE'S SO MUCH TO SAY, WORDS DO CONFINE
BUT IF WE TRY, WE CAN DIVINE
AN IMAGE IN MIND, TO REFINE AND CONSIGN
THAT WE'LL NEVER FORGET, IN YOUR TIME OR MINE.

— N. Barry Greenhouse

OUR PAL SAL
(to Superintendent Salvatore Curiale, December 1994)

HE CAME TO US HIGHLY TOUTED, FROM STATE RACING & WAGERING,
TO RUN A COURSE FOR WHICH HE HAD NOT YET STARTED MAJORING
A NICE GUY, THE KIND ANYONE WOULD WANT FOR THEIR OWN DAUGHTER
IT WASN'T FAIR THAT HE SHOULD FACE, A DECADE MARKED BY SLAUGHTER.

MED MAL CRISES WERE AROUND, BUT HAD NOT REACHED THEIR PEAK,
SPDA BUYERS WERE SOON HEADING UP A CREEK
AND WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG, WITH LOW PREMIUM PRICES?
JUST A NATIONWIDE COMMERCIAL LIABILITY CRISIS.

A PLAGUE WOULD SOON REVEAL ITSELF, TO SPREAD OUT LIKE A TUMOR
JUNK BONDS WOULD BE PUSHED TO THOSE INVESTING LATE LATE BLOOMERS
THROUGH IT ALL HE DID PREVAIL, WITH MUCH HARD WORK AND HUMOR
BUT DID NOT EVER WALK ON WATER, CONTRARY TO RUMOR.

TAKEN TO HEAD THE STATE FUND, A BLOW TO OUR MORALE,
IT WAS HARD JUST TO CONCEIVE, OF WORKING WITHOUT SAL.
AT LEAST HE WASN'T GOING OFF TO KATMANDU, NEPAL,
AND WE STILL THOUGHT HE WOULD RETURN, THOUGH HE NEVER SAID "I SHALL."

IT HURT TO LOSE HIS FAIRNESS, COMPASSION, TRUST AND KNOWLEDGE
AND THE KIND OF REAL GOOD SENSE YOU NEVER LEARN IN COLLEGE,
BUT THE GOVERNOR MUST HAVE KNOWN HOW MUCH WE WERE DEPENDENT
FOR ONE DAY SAL RETURNED TO US, AS ONE GREAT SUPERINTENDENT.

IF BEING FIRST DEPUTY MEANT BREAKING BRONCS IN A CORRAL,
THEN BEING SUPERINTENDENT WAS LIKE FACING A CABAL,
FIGHTING OFF AN EMPIRE, HE WAS STEVEN SEGAL
WITH ONLY SANDY SIEGEL AS THE DEPARTMENT'S FEMME FATALE.

BESIDES HIS HAVING CLEARLY EARNED A RIGHT TO SING THE BLUES,
HE HAD LIFE INSURERS PRODUCING, NOTHING BUT BAD NEWS.
HE WORKED IT OUT CREATIVELY AND PAID ALL THAT WAS DUE
TO ALL THE DOPES AND SPECIAL INTERESTS CRYING OUT THEIR BOOS.

HE MADE HEALTH INSURANCE AVAILABLE, FOR EVERYONE TO USE,
PORTABLE AND NON-CANCELLABLE, IT WASN'T JUST A RUSE.
HE FOSTERED DEMUTUALIZATION, SO INSURERS WOULDN'T LOSE
THE CHANCE TO ATTACT SOME CAPITAL, SO THEY WOULDN'T BLOW A FUSE.

WHILE LIFE INSURERS STRUGGLED, HE FOUGHT FOR CONSUMERS, WHOSE
INTERESTS HE UPHELD SO WELL, REGARDLESS OF THEIR HUES.
EXECUTIVE LIFE AND MUTUAL BENEFIT, JUST TO NAME A FEW
OF THE COMPANIES IN TROUBLE, WHERE CONSUMERS KEPT THEIR SHOES.

THERE'S NEVER BEEN A PERSON WITH WHOM YOU'D RATHER SCHMOOZE
NOR ONE WHO COULD DEAL BETTER WITH REGULATORY STEWS.
YOU NEVER HAD TO WORRY OR PRAY IN ANY PEWS
ANYONE WHO KNOWS HIS WORK WOULD HAVE TO SHARE THESE VIEWS.

WORKING WITH YOU FOR SO LONG HAS REALLY BEEN OUR PLEASURE.
WE ARE TRULY GOING TO MISS YOU, AND ALWAYS WE WILL TREASURE
A PERSONAL WARMTH YOU GAVE US, THAT ONE JUST CANNOT MEASURE,
SOMETHING WE CAN SAVOR IN OUR FEW MOMENTS OF LEISURE

YOU WON'T BE COMING HOME LATE TO WANDI JUST TO TELL HER
THAT YOU'VE JUST HAD ANOTHER FIGHT WITH SOME GUY NAMED VELLALA.
YOU'LL HAVE MORE TIME FOR MATTHEW, MELISSA AND MICHELE,
AND WE KNOW THAT YOUR NEW CAREER WILL BE NOTHING SHORT OF STELLAR.

— N. Barry Greenhouse

WAYNE’S WORLD
(to Wayne Cotter, 5/06)

A BIT OF RAIN, A LITTLE PAIN
AS WAYNE WALKES DOWN THAT EXIT LANE
HE’S HAD ENOUGH WHILE HE’S STILL SANE
HE’S HOPPING ON THAT OUTBOARD TRAIN.

WHAT WILL HE GAIN? WHERE WILL HE DEIGN?
TO SET A NEW GOAL TO ATTAIN?
THE NAIC? WELL NOT THE MAIN
THE SVO WHERE MALUK REIGNS.

OH WHAT A STRAIN, HOW INHUMANE
MUST FIND ANOTHER TO RETRAIN
HE WAS A BRAIN WITH WAYS ARCANE
AND WROTE ABOUT THINGS QUITE INANE.

HE FOUND THE TRUTH AND MADE IT PLAIN
WAS WIDELY READ TO GREAT ACCLAIM
HE DID HIS JOB, DID NOT COMPLAIN
JUST GOT IT DONE, DID NOT EXPLAIN.

HE COULD EMCEE AND ENTERTAIN
AND NEVR STOOPED TO BE MUNDANE
TO HIS WIFE SUE HE DID LAY CLAIM
AND WITH TWO SONS DID FAMILY GAIN.

WHAT NOW YOU SAY? NECKS CRANE IN VAIN
HOW WILL HIS FORTUNES WAX AND WANE?
HE HAS MORE DRAGONS TO BE SLAIN
BUT HE WILL PLAY A PART-TIME GAME.

MORE TIME FOR TENNIS, JUST TO NAME
A SKILL TO FIND A HIGHER PLANE
WE BID HIM WELL AS HE DEPLANES
AND STARTS TO TREAD UNTROD TERRAIN.

WITH OUR GOOD WISHES TO SUSTAIN
HIS EFFORTS IN THIS NEW DOMAIN
AND HOW DO WE, THIS LOSS CONTAIN?
IS THERE SOME TRICK, LEDGERDEMAIN?

A COMFORT FOOD, PERHAPS CHOW MEIN?
MAY I SUGGEST TO EASE THE PAIN
YOU TAKE DIRECTLY IN THE VEIN
A HEALTHY SHOT OF NOVACAINE.

— N. Barry Greenhouse

LENNON IN LIFE
(to Terry Lennon)

WE GATHER NOW, AT THIS LUNCHEON FOR TERRY
HIS CIVIL SERVICE CAREER FOR TO BURY.
LEAVING HIS WOMEN AND MEN, NOT SO MERRY,
WE'LL MISS HIM FOR SURE. HOW MUCH? I'D SAY VERY

SO LET US RAISE UP OUR GLASSES OF SHERRY
AS TO THE INDUSTRY, DEFTLY HE'S FERRIED,
EXPLORING NEW WORLDS LIKE SOME ADMIRAL PERRY
FOR HIS FAMILY LIFE IS, JUST A BOWL OF TERRIES

KNOWN TO SOME BY HIS FORMAL NAME TERENCE,
HE SALLIES FORTH LIKE THOSE FABLED KNIGHT ERRANTS
AFTER 32 YEARS OF TIME SERVED IN PENITENCE,
LIFE INSURANCE BECOMES HIS WORKING INHERITANCE

HE HEADS OUT OF HERE FOR THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF HIGH RENTS
WITH THE WORLD'S BIGGEST LANDLORDS, THEY LIVE FOR THEIR TENANTS.
HIS WORK DESERVES MEDALS, HANGING LIKE PENDANTS,
HE DID A GREAT JOB HERE FOR OUR SUPERINTENDENTS

SO LET US GRIEVE NOT FOR OUR TERRY LENNON.
WE CAN TRY TO REPLACE HIM, BY SENDING SOME MEN IN,
MAYBE MEYER COULD SUPPLY A MINION OF TEN IN
WHILE MARTY STARTS LEARNING THE FACTS OF LIFE WHEN IN

TERRY KNOWS LIFE, HE'S GOT A GOOD LEG IN.
HE DON'T NEED NO HELP, YOU WON'T FIND HIM BEGGIN'
HE WON'T SPREAD SOCIAL THEORIES, LIKE VLADIMIR LENIN.
IN FACT SOON HE'LL BE DOIN' SOME SERIOUS SPENDIN'.

— N. Barry Greenhouse


PAPP RAP
(to Doris Papp)

GONNA DO THIS RAP ABOUT DORIS PAPP,
'CAUSE SHE JUST STOPPED WORKIN' HER LAST PAID LAP.
DORIS AIN'T NO SAP, SHE DON'T TAKE NO CRAP;
SHE HAD TO LEAVE HER JOB & THERE'S A GREAT BIG GAP.

NOW I DON'T MEAN TO CAUSE NO FLAP,
OR ANY SCRAP WITH HER KENNY CHAP;
BUT KEN MUST KEEP WORKIN', CAN'T TAKE NO NAP;
GOTTA KEEP HIS SWEET FRAPPE IN HIS TENDER TRAP.

SO TAKE OFF YOUR CAP TO MS. DORIS PAPP;
SHE DESERVES APPLAUSE AND A HIGH-FIVE SLAP.
YOU CAN VISIT OFTEN, TRAVEL TIME'S A SNAP;
REALLY CAN'T MISS NEWARK, IT'S ON THE MAP.

NO MORE RHYMES, I'M STRAPPED, JUST ABOUT TAPPED;
ZAPPED THRU THE RAP AND NOW YOU CAN CLAP.
— N. Barry Greenhouse

A VOTE FOR MARTY BALLOT
OR THE BALLOT IS CAST
(to Marty Ballot)

BOCA ROTON MUST BE CALLING TO MARTY;
HE'S FORSAKING NEW YORK, NO MORE EATING AT SARDI'S.

AFTER 38 YEARS HE'LL BE MOVING HIS PARTY,
AND WITH BARBARA FOR LIFE, WHO WOULD CARE IF THEY'RE TARDY?

WILL HE PURSUE INTERESTS CULTURED AND ARTY?
THIS MAN OF THE WORLD, HE'S REALLY A SMARTY,

WHO'D NEVER DO ANYTHING DUMB OR FOOLHARDY;
HE COULD JUST DO NOTHING LIKE OUR OLD PAL FRANK CARDI;

OR BE A COUCH POTATO, AN ARMCHAIR LOMBARDI;
MAYBE GOLF ON THE BEACH WITH A COKE AND BACARDI

OR SIP VINTAGE WINES WITH SOME CREAMY HAVARTI.
LET US DRINK TO HIS HEALTH, MAY HE STAY HALE AND HEARTY.

MARTY ONCE REFINED NO-FAULT LIKE AN ARTIST WITH PALLET;
RAISED ALISSA AND TODD WITH HAMMER AND MALLET.

NOW HE'S FREE, FOR WHAT AGREES WITH HIS HEAD AND HIS WALLET,
BUT WE'LL ALL SORELY MISS OUR FRIEND MARTY BALLOT.

— N. Barry Greenhouse

HOLY MOLEY, THERE GOES FOLEY
(to Kevin Foley, 12/94)

IN PUBLIC AFFAIRS, HE BEGAN AS ENROLLEE;
THEN TO LIQUIDATION TO PLAY AS OUR GOALEE
A JOLLY OLD BLOKE, YOU MIGHT CALL ROLY POLY
HE ADORED RAVIOLI AND WAS NUTS FOR STROMBOLI

HE LOOKED LIKE A GUY WOULD DIE FOR EGG ROLLIES,
BUT HE ALWAYS HAD ROOM FOR A CHOCOLATE CANOLI
ENOUGH WITH THE EAT JOKES, THE EFFECT’S LIKE FREJOLES
NO MORE REFERENCE TO FOOD GROUPS, EVEN PIGNOLIS

A READER OF BOOKS YOU WOULD FIND IN RIZZOLI
GIVEN THE CHANGE HE COULD SING OUT LIKE JOLIE
HE HAS MANY TALENTS BUT HE IS A CONTROLLEE
HE STICKS TO HIS GUNS AND USES THEM SOLELY.

LET’S GET THE FULL PICTURE SO TAKE OUT YOUR ROLLIES
HE RAN OUR SICK COMPANIES CONSERVED THEIR SIMOLIES
HE SAVED PEOPLES’ SAVINGS, HIS MISSION WAS HOLY
A BOON TO CONSUMERS, NO MATTER HOW LOWLY

HE WAS IN CHARGE YOU COULD TELL BY HIS STROLLIE,
IN FRAUDS HIS SUCCESS CHANGED CROOKS INTO PAROLEES
HE DESERVES A SALUTE, LET US HOIST UP A STOLI
AND WISH ALL THE BEST TO OUR OWN KEVIN FOLEY

— N. Barry Greenhouse

WE CAN’T BELIEVE SHE’S GONNA
MOVE TO PHOENIX, ARIZONA
OR
BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES
TIGHTEN UP THE SCREWS
SOMEONE IS ESCAPING,
IT’S ROSEMARY CORA-CRUZ
(to Rosemary Cora-Cruz)

BY NOW YOU AND I HAVE ABSORBED THE BAD NEWS
WE ARE LOSING OUR ROSEMARY CORA-CRUZ
SHE TRAINED US IN ALL OF THE “DON’T’S” AND THE “DO’S”
SHE WARNED US OF DANGERS OF AIDS AND OF BOOZE.

SUPERVISION SHE GAVE US THE CUES AND THE CLUES
FOR TUITION SUPPORT, SHE UPDATED THE NEWS
TAUGHT AFFIRMATIVE ACTION FOR DIFFERENT HUES
AND SEXUAL HARASSMENT FROM DIFFERENT VIEWS.

IT’S BEEN FIVE LONG YEARS AND SHE’S PAID HER DUES
HER FAMILY MUST LEAVE NEW YORK’S JUNGLES AND ZOOS
BUT PHOENIX, ARIZONA? YOU CAN’T TAKE A CRUISE
AND THERE’S NO MUTANT TURTLES ‘CAUSE THEY AIN’T GOT NO OOZE.

LEAVING US FOR THE DESERT, OUR PLEAS SHE DOES REFUSE
BUT COULD HAVE GONE MUCH FARTHER, MAYBE TO VERA CRUZ
WE DEPENDED ON ROSEMARY AS OUR TRAINING MUSE
WE’LL JUST HAVE TO PRAY NOW, HEAD STRAIGHT TO THE PEWS.

IT IS HOPED THIS DECISION IS NOTHING SHE RUES
WITH LUIS RIGHT BESIDE HER AND LITTLE TIME TO SNOOZE
DANIELL, ANDREW AND CHRISTOPHER, ALL PART OF HER CREWS
SHE SHOULD PULL IT TOGETHER, SHE WORKS QUITE WELL WITH GLUES.

I SUPPOSE THAT WE SOON WILL GET OVER OUR BLUES
SWALLOW DISAPPOINTMENT AND GET OUT OF OUR STEWS
BUT THERE’S ONLY ONE ROSEMARY OF THE TRIED AND THE TRUES
THAT SPARKLING PERSONALITY WHOM WE NOW BID FOND ADIEUS.

— N. Barry Greenhouse

M&M
(to Marty Minkowitz and Lorraine Matrejek)

MINKOWITZ AND MATREJEK
AS NAMES TO RHYME THEY’RE REALLY YECHH!
COULD BE WORSE, LIKE WELENSA LECH
BUT IT’S M&M, SO WHAT THE HECK.

THEY’RE REALLY GONE AND YOU CAN CHECK
THEY’VE DEALT THEMSELVES OUT OF OUR DECK
LORRAINE’S BEEN WORKED UNTIL A WRECK
AND MARTY’S WANTS TO GO HIGH TECH.

AS ETHICS MAKE HIM CIRCUMSPECT
AND TIME BEGINS TO PICK AND PECK
THE PAINT’S BEGUN TO FLAKE AND FLECK
THE JOB’S A PAIN IN EVERY NECK

MATREJEK AND MINKOWITZ
ONE WHO KNITS AND ONE WHO SITS
THEY’RE OFF TO STROOCK, A LEGAL RITZ
AS FOR THESE TWO THE CLASS BEFITS

STAFF KEEPS LEAVING, WE’RE LOSING BITS
OF THE BEST WE GOT, IT’S JUST THE PITS
ALL OF THESE LUNCHEON BENEFITS
AND WHAT ABOUT US POOR MISFITS.

THEY SHOULD LEAVE US LITTLE KITS
ON HOW TO BE COMMERCIAL HITS
IT’S TIME NOW TAKE OFF OUR MITTS
CLEAN UP THIS ACT, REMOVE THE GRITS.

SO LET’S ALL RAISE A GLASS OF SCHLITZ
AS M&M GO FOR THE GLITZ.

— N. Barry Greenhouse